A question often posed around working women with children, is can you have it all? Is it possible to excel in your career and be a good, hands on, engaged parent. Can women strike the balance, be the master in the Boardroom and be home for bedtime without skipping a beat or having a hair out of place.
Of course not.
Why are women held to this higher standard anyway? I have never heard anyone say, can a man have it all? There is never a question of sacrifice when it comes to men, being a father and having a career. I have never seen any judgement over early mornings, putting work first, missing bedtime or having to work on the weekends. It just isn’t there. The sexes remain unequal when it comes to being working parents.
This isn’t a rant or a tale of bitterness but one couched in reality. I have two children and a busy career as a lawyer (or is it the other way around?). I was a lawyer before I was a mother and knew, as soon as I qualified that I wanted to progress, succeed, make partner and all that jazz. I also knew that were I to have children, I would not be the one making sacrifices when it came to my career. It was just not going to happen.
This was nothing to do with maternalism or maternal instinct but just an innate sense of having worked for something and not wanting to let it go or lose traction. I already knew I was up against men who would not be taking time out or who would not lose time on the partnership track. I already felt somewhat disadvantaged.
I love my job and I love my kids, but there is no perfect solution to making it all work. What grates is that women are made to feel guilty whereas men, not so much. I have often been asked, why didn’t you take more time off for maternity leave? Answer, I couldn’t afford it, I didn’t want to and, I found maternity leave extremely difficult.
Next question, does your husband feel emasculated by you earning more, having more of the childcare responsibilities? Answer, no. That is the way we planned it, we agreed, and it works well. Not perfectly, but well. I often get jealous that my kids don’t always run to me first, but why would they, I am not around as much and cannot be absent and expect to be the go-to parent.
My societal norms tell me that I must be missing something, be less of a mum or some form of workaholic. My maturity and engagement with other professional women tell me that I am not the exception, nor the rule.
I am merely a woman that, like many others has merged the pressures of work with the pressures of motherhood. Do I have it all, no, there is a Chanel handbag that will never be mine. Am I doing my best, absolutely. Is there a secret formula, no, just find a way that works, for you.
This blog was written by Elizabeth McGlone, Partner at didlaw
